MyPartner

Living a Balanced Life

By Trent Blanchard

Do you want to attract a partner who is living a balanced, full life? Do you want to have a lover who is doing the things he loves to do, resulting in him living a joyful, happy life- which you will, by default, benefit from? If the answers are yes, the question then becomes “Are YOU living a balanced, joyful, happy life?” Often times, the answer is “not really.” Let’s change that response to a resounding “YES.”

There is no time like the present to begin such a life so you can attract someone that matches that same balanced, joyful energy. We attract people, places and things that match our energy! Are you ready to begin that process and make some changes? Great! Grab a pen and paper and let’s do the following “Life Pie” exercise!

On a blank piece of paper, draw a large circle. Draw three lines through the circle- each line will cut the circle in half- eventually creating 6 slices or pieces of pie. Label each slice with the following words: Work, Play, Romance, Exercise, Spirituality and Friendship. These tend to be the major areas that make up the majority of relationships and meaning in our lives.

Now place a dot in each piece of pie to the degree to which you are fulfilled in that area. Placing a dot in the slice towards the center of the circle means you are not very fulfilled or happy in that area; a dot towards the outer rim means you are fulfilled and content in that area. Now, connect the dots.

This exercise is a snap-shot of where you are in your life at this moment. Is your shape perfectly rounded and circular or is it jagged like a mandala? Ideally, you want a large, full circle that is perfectly rounded which would mean that you are living a life of balance, which is greatly fulfilled. Often times, however, when we first do this exercise, we find the latter- a funky shape that shows us we are not living in balance.

What you can now do is take some action to increase your fulfillment. Jot down two small action steps that you can do to increase the fulfillment in your life in each area. Make these steps small and realistic, so they are achievable. Then make a commitment to yourself to actually do these things. When you do, you will quickly feel an increase in energy and start feeling more fulfilled. Try it and see what happens!

The more you can do to make your own life happy and fulfilled, the better for every relationship in your life!
 

Living a Balanced Life

By Trent Blanchard

Do you want to attract a partner who is living a balanced, full life? Do you want to have a lover who is doing the things he loves to do, resulting in him living a joyful, happy life- which you will, by default, benefit from? If the answers are yes, the question then becomes “Are YOU living a balanced, joyful, happy life?” Often times, the answer is “not really.” Let’s change that response to a resounding “YES.”

There is no time like the present to begin such a life so you can attract someone that matches that same balanced, joyful energy. We attract people, places and things that match our energy! Are you ready to begin that process and make some changes? Great! Grab a pen and paper and let’s do the following “Life Pie” exercise!

On a blank piece of paper, draw a large circle. Draw three lines through the circle- each line will cut the circle in half- eventually creating 6 slices or pieces of pie. Label each slice with the following words: Work, Play, Romance, Exercise, Spirituality and Friendship. These tend to be the major areas that make up the majority of relationships and meaning in our lives.

Now place a dot in each piece of pie to the degree to which you are fulfilled in that area. Placing a dot in the slice towards the center of the circle means you are not very fulfilled or happy in that area; a dot towards the outer rim means you are fulfilled and content in that area. Now, connect the dots.

This exercise is a snap-shot of where you are in your life at this moment. Is your shape perfectly rounded and circular or is it jagged like a mandala? Ideally, you want a large, full circle that is perfectly rounded which would mean that you are living a life of balance, which is greatly fulfilled. Often times, however, when we first do this exercise, we find the latter- a funky shape that shows us we are not living in balance.

What you can now do is take some action to increase your fulfillment. Jot down two small action steps that you can do to increase the fulfillment in your life in each area. Make these steps small and realistic, so they are achievable. Then make a commitment to yourself to actually do these things. When you do, you will quickly feel an increase in energy and start feeling more fulfilled. Try it and see what happens!

The more you can do to make your own life happy and fulfilled, the better for every relationship in your life!
 

The Four Agreements: Installment #4 Always Do Your Best

By Trent Blanchard

In previous entries, I introduced to you the powerful book “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz and discussed how the concepts that he brings forward can create positive change to every relationship in your lives. We discussed the first agreement “Be impeccable with your word” and the importance of being conscious and aware of what you put out into the Universe, because it will directly dictate what comes back to you. We discussed the second agreement “Don’t take things personally.” which informs us that most people, just like us, are walking, behaving and acting from their own mold of misguided influence and teaches us to detach from what others say and to listen to and trust ourselves. Last entry we discussed the third agreement “Don’t make assumptions”, which cautions us from making assumptions and instructs to always ask for clarification in what we hear, to confirm what we heard was actually said because when we make assumptions, we set ourselves up for suffering because we base our decisions on incorrect information. This week we will continue this work and move to the fourth agreement.

The fourth agreement - and the one that I find most gentle and compassionate is “Always do your best”. This agreement says if you try to always do your best- at any given moment- you are doing enough. When you are doing your best, you will feel good about yourself even regardless of what you are, or aren’t doing- including taking things personally, making assumptions or not being impeccable with your word.

Ruiz says “Under any circumstance, always do your best, no more and no less. But keep in mind that your best is never going to be the same from moment to the next. Your best will depend on whether you are feeling wonderful and happy, or upset, angry or jealous.” What this agreement is basically saying is that you are- and have been - always doing your best, even though you might today judge yourself for doing otherwise yesterday. It is a very compassionate agreement that encourages us to forgive ourselves for the things you have done in the past that- if you knew better and had better tools- you would have done better. I guarantee everyone would have done better yesterday if they knew better- bar none!

When you do your best you learn to accept yourself. But you have to be aware and learn from your mistakes. Learning from your mistakes mean you practice, look honestly at the results and keep practicing.

These four agreements sound simple - yet actually applying them to your life can be difficult. When we start this process, we set forth on re-programming our consciousness. We are challenging our negative values and beliefs that have been operating for many, many years and replacing them with positive ones that work-ones that are based on the Truth of who we are. It is important to remember making such changes takes time and effort, so have patience and compassion for yourself during the process. It is unrealistic to expect change overnight!

Core beliefs and the resulting negative thoughts that are created by them run our lives! It is solely up to us to choose what we believe and what not to believe. Begin the process of reviewing your core beliefs, give energy only to those thoughts that bring you joy, and you will immediately begin experiencing liberation from limitation. Run, don’t walk to your local bookstore and buy the book ‘The Four Agreements.” You will thank me- I guarantee it!

The Four Agreements: Installment #3 “Don’t Make Assumptions”

By Trent Blanchard

In previous entries, I introduced to you the powerful book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz and discussed how the concepts that he brings forward can create positive change to every relationship in your life. We discussed the first agreement “Be impeccable with your word” and the second agreement “Don’t take things personally” which informs us that most people, just like us, are walking, behaving and acting from their own mold of misguided influence and teaches us to detach from what others say and to listen to and trust ourselves. This week we will continue this work and move to the third agreement.

The third agreement is “Don’t make assumptions”. This agreement cautions us from making assumptions and instructs to always ask for clarification in what we hear, to confirm what we heard was actually said. When we make assumptions, we set ourselves up for suffering because we base our decisions on incorrect information. Ruiz says that all human suffering comes from taking things personally and making assumptions.

I am sure you remember when you were younger adults telling you “don’t assume, because it makes an “ass” out of “u “and “me”! They knew what they were talking about! Let’s remember this statement now as adults and be aware of when we are making assumptions and then do something about it.

When we find ourselves making assumptions, and you know you are when your inner peace is disturbed and your mind goes racing, we need to have the courage to ask for clarity. Statements like “can you please elaborate on your last statement” or “help me understand what you just said” or “please clarify that for me” can be very beneficial. To go deeper into effective communication, you might want to say “I heard you just say this - is that accurate”, to make sure you understand each other. Once you are on the same page, you can then make the best next decision for all parties involved.

When we don’t get such clarity, we create stories in our minds that drive us CRAZY, that aren’t necessarily true, that could have been avoided had we asked clarifying questions. Remember- it is always better to ask questions than to make an assumption, because assumptions set us up for suffering.

Making assumptions in our relationships is really asking for problems. Often we make the assumption that our partners should know what we think and that we don’t have to say what we want, also known as the “You should have known” complex. Be careful not to make this mistake in your relationship.

Don’t make assumptions in your relationships! Make sure communication is clear. If you don’t understand something, ASK for clarity. Have the courage to ask questions until you are clear as you can be. Once you hear the answer, you will not have to make assumptions because you will know the truth.

Good luck!

The Four Agreements: Installment #2 “Don’t Take Anything Personally”

By Trent Blanchard

Last week, I introduced to you the powerful book, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, and discussed how the concepts that he brings forward can create positive change to every relationship in our lives. We discussed the first agreement “Be impeccable with your word” and the importance of being conscious and aware of what you put out into the Universe, because it will directly dictate what comes back to you. You have active control over the context of your relationship by what you do and say! This week we will continue and move to the second agreement.

The second agreement is, “Don’t take things personally,” and is extremely powerful and relevant because everyone takes things personally, most especially in intimate relationships. This agreement informs us that most people, just like us, are walking, behaving and acting from their own mold of misguided influence and from their painful past experiences. Their feedback, comments and actions come from their point of view, which is a result of the programming they received during their upbringing. It suggests we detach from what others say, encourages us to listen and trust ourselves, while also bringing forward the awareness that the comments and actions we say about others have more to say about how we feel about ourselves then about the person we are talking about. This, in psychology, is called projection, which simply states that it is easier to point the finger at the things you don’t like in others instead of owning that quality you judge as negative, about yourself.

In my opinion, this agreement emphasizes how important it is to identify who you truly are—at your core- and then affirm it regularly. If we are 100 percent sure of who we are—good, loving people trying to do the best we can—then we are not as apt to react and respond when others share their opinions, which by the way is what feedback really is—simply other people’s opinions.

When you hear others talking about you or saying things that are not true, do your best not to respond! Take a deep breath, repeat quietly to yourself, “I will not take this personally because it is not about me” then go about your business. If this happens regularly with the same person, you might want to reconsider the relationship and identify if the relationship is worth continuing!

If you can live by this agreement, you will find yourself in a more grounded, peaceful place because your state of mind will not be dependent on other people, which brings about true freedom. This week, try to not take anything personally!

The Four Agreements: Installment #1- Be impeccable with your word!

By Trent Blanchard

As a life and relationship coach, I have found that many, if not all of the problems we have in our relationships with others come from consistently taking things personally and making assumptions. Consequently, I have included the book "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz as mandatory reading for every client I work with because these two topics, along with two other powerful tools of transformation and peace, are discussed in detail. I will make my next blog entries about these four agreements.

The purpose of this book is to assist people in clearing the thousands of beliefs, what Ruiz calls "agreements" that we pick up through our lifetimes that often times don't serve us in our relationships with others, and more importantly, with ourselves. The author brings forward four simple concepts- each based on Universal or Toltec Truth- which if applied, can have a profoundly positive impact on your life.

Ruiz suggests reprogramming our consciousness by incorporating and practicing certain new agreements into our lives. These four agreements are "Be impeccable with your word", "Don't take things personally", "Don't make assumptions", and "Always do your best."

The first agreement is "Be impeccable with your word". It is through the spoken word that we manifest everything, so this agreement instructs us to watch the words we say, because they have power beyond our comprehension. This agreement states that whatever we put out into the Universe, we get back; you might call it the "Boomerang" law. If you put out negativity, you will get back negativity. But on the flip side, if you foster positivity, you will attract the same thing back to you! We are encouraged to be conscious or aware of the words that we are using to ourselves and to others because they will directly affect our life experience.

When we take this agreement to heart, we will regularly ask ourselves if we are putting out words, actions, deeds and thoughts that we want to come back to us. This agreement is in alignment with the Golden Rule, taught by Jesus the Christ, which says "Do unto others as you want done unto you" and the Law of Karma that states "You get back what you put out." When you understand this concept, you will see that you have active control over what is happening in your current or future relationships based upon what you are putting out. You have an active role in creating your own life experience. You are the creator of your life.

If your life is primarily negative and the majority of your relationships are not working, be conscious of how you are adding to that negativity. Be aware when you are speaking about negative things and then catch yourself and stay quiet. Live by the old adage that states "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Always ask yourself before you speak "what is my intention in saying this? and "would I want this to be said about/to me?" If the answer is a) anything less than loving or b) a big NO, then you might want to reconsider putting it out there in the first place- because by law, it will come right back to you.

For the next week, start using this first agreement "Be impeccable with your word" in your life and see how your life experience changes. Play close attention to this agreement if you are at the beginning of any new budding romance or if you are involved in a relationship that is falling apart. I guarantee it will create a positive shift not only in your personal and professional relationships, but more importantly, within yourself. Good luck!

Putting Time Aside for Mr. Right

By Trent Blanchard

You’ve signed up for mypartner.com. You’ve created the perfect profile that explains who you are and what you are looking for in a partner. You are SO close to attracting that special someone into your life! Good for you! BUT--don’t stop there! Take it one step further and make sure you have time for him to come in!

What does this mean, you might be asking! Well, many times people say they want a relationship but their current lives don’t reflect that desire. When push comes to shove, they don’t have time in their busy schedule to dedicate to someone else. They are too busy with work or with other social activities that they barely have private time for themselves. When you do this, you send a very strong message to the Universe that says you don’t have time for another person, and as a result, don’t get what you want. The great news is you can do something about this right now!

What I would encourage you to do is put aside one evening per week and have a "date” with yourself. Take yourself to a movie, dinner, show or any other activity that would make you happy. Create that opening in your busy schedule for your future dates. This action will show that you do in fact have time and space for a lover, all the while having fun by yourself! Who knows, you just might meet someone interesting at these places who shares your same interests!

If you are saying any version of “I don’t want to go on a date with myself because it will be boring” or “I hate being by myself” then you are going to want to look more deeply at your life. If you don’t enjoy being with yourself and don’t enjoy your own company, then why on earth would someone else want to be with you?

Pull out your calendar right now and schedule a weekly date with yourself. Show the Universe you are serious about attracting your dream date by creating that space. And in the meantime, have fun until he arrives! Good luck!

Great first date ideas!

By Trent Blanchard

You are excited because you have found an interesting person on mypartner.com who meets a lot of your relationship criteria! You have spent a lot of time texting, emailing, im’ing and calling each other and things are going great! Now comes the time for the first date! What are you going to do? Here are some ideas!

I would suggest that you both independently make a list of 10 date ideas that you would like to do for your first date together! Spend time thinking about what you would really like to do that would make your first face-to-face encounter special! What are your interests? What would you like to do? What brings you joy? Write these activities down without judgment and remember the key is to HAVE FUN because when you are in a place of joy within yourself, the true YOU can come out more easily, making you more fun to be around!

Some fun date ideas include going for a hike and bring along a homemade picnic; go to a zoo, play miniature golf, go rollerblading, go to a museum, go paint ceramics, or going to a county fair. It is important that your list be things you are interested in. (I would suggest not having alcohol be a major player in your date, because that can sometimes dim our senses and give us a skewed perspective of the person we are spending time with- which could get in the way of determining if we want to spend more time with them.)

Once you both have your list completed, discuss your date ideas and together plan on your first date. This list will enable you to see how many things you have in common, give you plenty of future date ideas if the first one goes well, and perhaps most importantly, will show you how you will communicate and compromise with each other in future endeavors. Always remember the powerful quote “When people show you who they truly are, believe them!”

Make sure you HAVE FUN on your first date! Enjoy yourself! After all, if we want our lives to be joyful, we have to do things that bring US joy! Enjoy!

The Importance of Your Personal Ad

By Trent Blanchard, M.A.

You now find yourself in the world of internet dating! There is a large pool of prospective matches out there just for the picking! Isn’t that exciting? Now is the time to make sure that the personal information you wrote about yourself in your ad is accurate, truthful and to the point and that the things/qualities you are looking for in a partner are clear!

When you write a personal ad, it is like you are putting out into the Universe your order for the perfect partner! The more details you can include, the better! When you go into a restaurant, you give the waiter very specific instructions on how you want your burger prepared, as an example, so you aren’t disappointed when it comes out wrong, so why wouldn’t you do the same for your future love interest? Even though we might now be aware of it, we always get what you ask for--so it would be wise to take a considerable amount of time and ask for exactly what we want.

How do you go about doing that? Go grab a pen and paper right now and write down the top 7 most important qualities you want in a partner. Is looks most important? Honesty? Monogomy? Financial freedom? Compassion? Intelligence? Humor? Write them down! It doesn’t matter how shallow you think your list is because in order to attract the partner that you truly want you must be very clear and honest with yourself about what you are wanting so the Universe can do its power and bring them forward. Make sure to include these requests in your personal ad.

If you put out exactly what you want in your personal ad, you have a higher likelihood of finding the perfect person- one that fits you! Your honesty and clarity will automatically weed out the people that are not a match for you and save you a lot of wasted time.

Good luck!

Freaking out? Focus on the NOW

By Trent Blanchard

So—you have met the perfect partner! You are excited about what is happening in your new relationship and feel as though you are floating on cloud nine! Life is good!

Then, all of a sudden, he doesn’t call when he said he would or he has to cancel a date because he has to work late and you find yourself getting really mad and upset. You might even get freaked out and begin to panic. What do you do? The answer is—come back to the present moment.

As Eckhart Tolle explains in his book, The Power of Now, when we experience dis-ease in our body and find our inner peace disturbed, our Spirit is telling us that we are not in the present moment. This could also be called our built-in internal alarm system because if we were truly present, we would be experiencing the peace that is our natural state of being and birthright as humans!

When we are in the NOW, we are at peace and experience centeredness and calmness. We cannot worry about a missing phone call or a broken date because we are focusing on enjoying the moment that we are living in. Anxiety is a direct result of living in the past, which no longer exists and/or living in the future, which does not yet exist.

One great technique in coming back to the NOW is through breath work, which simply is the act of consciously focusing your thought on your breathing. As I have mentioned, we often focus on the events we perceived as negative from the past, and project similar outcomes onto future events that have not yet happened, bringing us great suffering and depression in the present. This unresolved past event might be re-surfacing through this current situation- which you would benefit from dealing with so you don’t taint your budding new relationship.

When we are in the present moment, we find we have everything we need and lack nothing—bringing us back to our natural state as spiritual beings—Perfect, Whole and Divine! This place is only a couple of deep inhalations away. Our task is to remember this from moment to moment- especially when we get mad and upset.
When you experience anxiety about anything, notice your inner peace is disturbed and work on returning back to the present moment. From this place, you can make healthier decisions based on peace and not knee-jerk reacting to things that might have nothing to do with the present relationship.

If you can do this work, you will often find that shortly after you are done, the phone will magically ring with your man calling to share his admiration for you or his work plans suddenly got changed and he wants to see you.  That’s one of the funny things about how this Universe works.